


The Lights We Chase

by StowndDiaries



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Addiction, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Alternate Universe - Prostitution, Angst, Bisexual Thor (Marvel), Drug Use, Dubious Consent, Dysfunctional Family, Espionage, Eventual Happy Ending, Explicit Language, Family Feels, Fluff and Angst, I'm Bad At Tagging, Implied/Referenced Torture, Loki (Marvel)-centric, Mental Health Issues, Miscommunication, Multi, Not Beta Read, Not Suitable/Safe For Work, Organized Crime, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Power Dynamics, Reunited Siblings, Sexual Content, There's A Tag For That, Thor is a Good Bro (Marvel), Thor is so soft in this oof, Trauma, Violence, We Die Like Men, but wait there's more, everyone is gay fight me, reunited brothers, supportive friends
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-16
Updated: 2020-12-28
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:07:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,349
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28102161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StowndDiaries/pseuds/StowndDiaries
Summary: Loki had a high pain tolerance. Exceptionally high, really. He learned early on to not let things hurt him. The look on his brother’s face when he found him crying on a busy New York City street corner hurt him more than he knew he was capable of feeling.In which Loki is indebted to Grandmaster and Thor just wants to help.
Relationships: En Dwi Gast | Grandmaster/Loki, Loki & Thor (Marvel)
Comments: 14
Kudos: 33





	1. So Lost In The Dark

**Author's Note:**

> Me? Actually posting my first fic? Who would've thought. 
> 
> This au has been running amok in my brain for a while, I figured that I might as well let it out. Tags are there for a reason, be advised. There will be some potentially triggering content. Chapter titles and some plot elements are inspired by music because I'm a soppy bastard. Title from Brother by Gerard Way.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from Pictures of You by The Cure

Loki had a high pain tolerance. Exceptionally high, really. He had barely noticed when he broke his right ring finger in the fourth grade, just popped it back into place without hesitation. That was how he grew up.

“You hurt yourself? Just man up and move on. It’s nothing to waste tears or money on a trip to the E.R. over.”  
He learned early on to not let things hurt him.

The look on his brother’s face when he found him crying on a busy New York City street corner hurt him more than he knew he was capable of feeling. He looked disappointed. Embarrassed. Disgusted. Like he had put Loki there himself. In some indirect way, he had.

If anyone was really to blame, it was their father. Odin was a cruel, self-centered man with high expectations and a wicked temper. Not even Thor, his golden boy, his first born, could appease him.

At age 18, Thor was cut off and told he was too arrogant, that he had to prove himself worthy to be a part of the family. Loki always thought it was because of jealousy, that Thor outshined their father even at such a young age and he couldn’t take that, so Thor got the boot. He remembered hiding upstairs while their mother begged and cried, holding onto Thor like if she let go he’d disappear. In the end, she couldn’t stand up to Odin, and he did. That was the last Loki had heard from him. For all he knew, Thor was dead, and as far as Loki was concerned, he was.

Now, by some strange twist of fate, he was standing in front of him. Of all the times he could’ve shown up, it had to be now while the world was crashing down around Loki’s feet. For a moment, he felt relieved. If anyone could help, if anyone could save him from the mess he made, it was Thor.

Growing up, Thor was the only protection he had from the world, the only one who truly stood up for him. He took countless beatings from their father that were meant for Loki, standing in his place. Always challenged him to get the heat off Loki’s back when his smart mouth got him into trouble. He was stronger, he could take it. He was Loki’s defender. He left without saying goodbye, leaving Loki to brave high school and Odin’s abuse alone.

That’s why instead of running to Thor with open arms like he so desperately wanted to, he scowled and turned the opposite direction. _Serves him right for never calling._ He expected him to call at least.

What Loki hadn’t expected was for Thor to approach him anyway. He had made his feelings on the matter pretty clear, had he not? Apparently, Thor either chose to ignore that or he was too thick to understand. The words that came out of his mouth were even more unexpected.

“What are you doing all by yourself?” he drawled in a low voice, lower than Loki had remembered. Did he know it was him? Of course, he didn’t look that different. Did he know what he was doing? Loki took a moment to reassess himself. It was late at night, he was covered in tight leather and enough glitter to outshine the sun, yes it was painfully obvious what he was doing. There was no hiding it.

“Don’t be shy, darling. I come bearing gifts.” Though his words were mocking, his smile was just slightly too pinched. His heart wasn’t quite in it. Thor treated him like a skittish animal, approaching slowly to lightly place a hand on his shoulder. In his opposite hand, he held a crumpled mound of dollar bills. All hundreds.

Loki gaped at him in horrified surprise for a moment then snapped his mouth shut so hard his teeth clicked. _Great_ , he thought, eyes darting around the ebbing and flowing crowd of people swimming their way through the city. They were all caught up in themselves, talking on the phone or to each other, droning on to their destinations. That wasn't something to be underestimated. Sure, they seemed oblivious, but if Loki raised his voice or slapped Thor for his hideous comment, he'd instantly draw at least a few sets of eyes. That's the last thing he wanted at the moment. His job wasn’t exactly legal. Okay, it wasn’t legal at all, but that never stopped him before. Loki wasn’t one to obey laws. Fuck the police or whatever.

“Darling,” he glared up at Thor and pulled his arm free of his grasp. “you could never afford me.” The biting comment did little to help his damaged pride. Of course he was here right now to bear witness to such a low and humiliating point in his life. Of course. He didn’t need Thor to rub salt in the wound, he was perfectly aware of how bad it all was. Wiping furiously at what was left of the tears on his face, he tried to make a break for it.

“Loki! Loki, stop!” Thor hissed back, giving up his charade and stopping Loki from running off. He held his breath and waited for a lecture that he didn’t need about how poor his life choices were.

“Look,” Thor sighed heavily. “I have a lot of explaining to do. I know that. Please, if you would come with me, I just want to talk.”

He was looking at him with that face. You know the one; stupidly sincere and apologetic. It looked all wrong on him. How could such a gigantic, intimidating man make himself look so vulnerable?

Loki felt a twinge of guilt in his chest. He didn’t have the full picture, barely even a scrap of it. It had been years, and as angry and hurt as he was, he could still admit to himself that he had missed his brother. He had so many things he wanted to say, had dreamt of saying. He had so many questions. Where had Thor been all this time, anyway?

“Alright.” The word came out a bit hoarsely. He gave a stilted nod, eyes breaking contact to look for any sign of, well, something. He wasn’t sure what he was looking for. He repeated himself with a bit more conviction. “Alright.”

Before he knew it, a cab was hailed, and he was sat in the back next to his estranged brother who could barely fit into the ugly thing. He fought back the urge to laugh at the absurdity of it all, not knowing if he should be furious or relieved, so he settled somewhere between both.

 _How did this happen?_ He thought, somewhat hysterically. _What kind of cosmic joke is this?_ It would be best to just tune it all out, he decided, and watched the city through the car window as it blurred into streaks of gray and neon.

Nobody said anything the whole ride, which would have been painful if not for the silence being filled by the sound of windshield wipers, brushing off the beginnings of a rainstorm. It patterned rhythmically against the cab roof, streaming down the windows in clusters of raindrops that passed and engulfed each other.

It was too warm in the car, making everything caramelize and feel slower, like time was dragging on, not abiding by the fast pace of the city or Loki’s heartbeat.

 _Calm down_ , he attempted to collect himself. At least for the moment, he was safe. _With Thor_. His mind reminded. He risked a look at the beast of a man next to him, who was watching out his own window absentmindedly.

Thor was definitely bigger than Loki remembered. He had a beard now, in place of patchy stubble, that suited him quite well. The biggest difference was probably the hair, long and full, falling somewhere past his shoulders. It had always been on the longer side, but now it was like a blond lion's mane. It glowed, catching the light from outside. _That's just not fair._

He turned away before Thor could look at him, pretending he had never observed him in the first place.

Leave it to Thor to improve on perfection. Strong, handsome, funny, what more did he need? Loki had always been envious. Everyone had liked his brother more, and why wouldn't they? Loki was the opposite; thin, sickly-looking, sarcastic and cold. He could never make friends. Luckily with Thor around, he didn't have to. Thor's friends were his friends. Until he left, at least.

It was only by some stroke of dumb luck that he found Darcy. Or rather, that Darcy found him. She saw him on the first day of Freshman year- moody, alone, and so closed off he could make a locked door look open, and decided _yes, the sad idiot boy, I pick him_.

She took her time jamming her foot in said locked door, weaseling her way into his life with unwavering optimism, and in a matter of months she had drawn him out of his shell enough to rejoin the world. She was his best friend. He missed her.

The cab creaked to a halt and the driver turned to collect his earnings, bringing Loki out of his thoughts. He shuffled momentarily, trying to scrounge up some cab fare out of his pockets. Thor beat him to the punch and wiggled his way out the door.

Loki was about to step out as well when Thor stopped him.

“Wait,” his voice was muffled by the rain. Loki watched as he pulled an umbrella out from his jacket pocket and it sprang to life. He hurried to Loki's side of the car, arm outstretched, drenched, with a self-deprecating smile. “Didn't want you to get wet.”

Loki couldn't stop himself from rolling his eyes. He took the umbrella, silently grateful. Together, they hurried to the building, wet footsteps echoing down the street. Once inside, Thor collapsed the umbrella.

The now muffled noise of the outside world wasn't loud enough to subside the palpable tension. Loki stood awkwardly, pretending to look around the small entryway. Seeming to remember himself, Thor turned and herded him into the elevator. He leaned into one corner, his brother the opposite. The door slid shut.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First chapter, how about that? I'm not expecting anyone to read this but it's out there now, I've accomplished that at least. Right now I have a few chapters written and mostly edited as well as an over-all outline. There is a lot more to come. Trust me when I say I have barely gotten started. Even if I am the only one to read this, I will finish it if it kills me. That's a threat, not a promise. 
> 
> Anyway, if you do happen to stumble upon this, thanks for reading.


	2. Another Picture of A Life You Could've Had

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from Hoodoo by Muse

_Oh joy, more tight spaces and awkward silences._

The elevator was annoyingly slow and to add insult to injury, Thor lived on one of the higher floors. _Wonderful._

They listened to the whirring of the elevator and water dripping. No one made any move to speak, neither jumping at the chance to start what would undoubtedly be a long, difficult conversation. They couldn't exactly chat beforehand, either. Hey, I haven't seen you in five years, but how about that weather? No, they not only had to break the ice, they had to dive in.

When the elevator dinged its arrival, Loki practically shoved himself out the doors before they opened. He stopped short, realizing he didn't know where he was going. Thor led the way, fiddling with his keys. He began unlocking the door, then abruptly stopped before opening it.

"Oh, I should probably warn you about Niri."

"Niri?"

There was a muffled yap and the sound of scratches at the door. Thor flung it open and was immediately greeted by a small, pudgy puppy. It panted and shifted from paw to paw, swatting at his legs. It almost looked like it was dancing.

"You finally got a dog." He said flatly in disbelief, hands drawn to his chest to keep away from it. He wasn't sure if it was a friendly, _Pet Me_ or a _Don't Touch_ , _Will Bite_ kind of dog.

It noticed Loki when he spoke and started grumbling a bit at him, Thor shushed it.

"Quiet, little one. Loki's family," He scratched behind her ears and she yawned happily. "It's okay, she won't hurt you." Loki cautiously dropped his hand to let her sniff it, which she did enthusiastically before deciding she liked him and gave his palm a big, wet kiss.

"Good Niri." He smiled and squatted down to pet her.

Thor had always wanted a dog. He was nearly obsessed with them. For a short time, he even worked at a local pound. Loki had preferred the cats, but he had been fond of the dogs as well.

"It's short for Mjolnir." Thor said offhandedly, hanging up his keys and stepping further into the apartment. Niri followed.

"Of course it is." Thor would be the one to give his dog the strangest name he could think of. He filled a bowl with water from the sink and set it down on the floor for her.

"You want anything to drink?" He said, leaning over into the fridge, the light streaming into the rest of the dark apartment momentarily until he flipped a switch.

It wasn’t a bad place, really. Not too small, not too run down. The space was open and inviting.The kitchenette looked fairly updated, everything clean. He could imagine Thor cooking there.

There was a decently sized television in the middle of the room with an Xbox hooked up to it, controllers strewn about the coffee table. Then there was the window; wide and spacious, practically floor to ceiling. The view wasn't much, just the apartment complex across the street, but over it you could just make out the sparkling city lights of Manhattan.

Loki took a tentative seat on the couch, noting that it was a pull-out. _Good for overnight guests._

He squashed down the hope that fluttered in his chest, trying to remember why he was angry.

_Oh yeah._

"Vodka on the rocks, if you've got it." He was here to talk. To get answers, nothing more than that. He wouldn't be sleeping here. He had to keep moving.

"But, wait, you aren't-"

"Does that really matter anymore?" He sneered and gestured vaguely to his outfit. Legal drinking age was hardly something he'd lose sleep over. If anything, alcohol was the only thing that got him to sleep in the first place.

"I guess not." He conceded with a frown, walking over with a beer for himself, a glass of ice, and a bottle of marshmallow Smirnoff. He set everything on the coffee table and took a seat across from Loki, looking tense and out of place, like he was too big for the chair he was in, which wasn't entirely untrue.

Loki picked up the bottle to inspect it further and raised a questioning brow, turning it toward Thor.

"It was a gift," he shrugged. "And my roommate likes to eat his cereal with it." Loki made a face at that.

"It's okay, he's already asleep. You don't have to worry about him, he'd sleep through the end of the world." He smiled then sighed at Loki's indifference to his attempt at humor.

They both fell into an awkward silence. The air felt thick with tension, so much so that Loki could nearly choke on it, but he'd be damned if he was the one to break it. He’d had practice with tension, he could survive a bit of uncomfortable energy.

"You look so… different." Of course Thor would face the ugly situation head on. Reluctantly albeit, but still. He shuffled a bit, not knowing where to start.

"Well yeah, five years time tends to do that to someone." Loki went for the throat, he didn't have the patience to dance around the subject. _Great start._

"Loki, I'm so sorry. I should've-"

"Yes, you should've. But you didn't and now here we are." He looked pained. This couldn't be easy for him either. Loki decided he'd rather be doing just about anything else other than have this conversation. He got quiet again, not meeting Thor’s eyes. He couldn't bring himself to look at him right this moment.

“... Do you want to talk about it?” he sounded disgustingly sympathetic. _What kind of psychoanalyzing therapist bullshit..?_

“No.” he snapped.

“Maybe you should anyway-”

“Why? I'm just going to give you some sad speech about how shit my life is and ‘oh woe is me’ and I may even shed a tear or two, leaving you sitting there not knowing what to do or say because there's no possible way for you to help me or make me feel the least bit better about all of it. So let's just skip the whole ugly thing and call it a night, shall we?” He erupted, all of his tension spilling out of his mouth in a sorry attempt to dodge the topic. He even made a move to stand up, not knowing at all where he'd go once he did, but doing so nonetheless. Thor blocked his path and pulled him back down to sit, apparently determined to have this conversation if it killed him

"I never wanted this." He still thought it was his fault Loki ended up the way he did. He wasn’t the only one who hurt Loki, heaven knows their father did, but what does Loki do when he's hurt? Lash out and make things worse, of course.

"A nice place to live? Food on the table? Enough money to pay for that all and then some? Oh, no, you meant your whore little brother. Yeah, those can be a real burden."

"That's not what I meant…” he was already flustered and frustrated with him. At least that was familiar. “So that is it, then? That’s what you’re doing? I can’t tell you I’m comfortable with it, but that isn’t a decision that I get to make for you. All I want to do is help, I wish I had earlier."

"Then why didn't you?"

"I couldn't... Not with him around." It made him see red. _Take the easy way out, blame dad._

Sure, it was true, but daddy dearest wasn’t there at that particular moment and Loki was out for blood. He popped off like a bottle rocket.

"Bullshit! You could've called someone! CPS or the police, someone! Could've put him away for the rest of his life! The bruises, the scars, all that evidence! Then we would have been safe!"

He was definitely standing now, needing the height to feel like he could take this on, like he was big enough to handle this.

"And then what? Have mum pay the bills? A single woman taking care of two kids, funding their college tuition? With what money?" Thor's voice was picking up. He clenched his fists and strained not to shout.

"We could've made it work! We could've gotten jobs and- and helped her out, we could've-"

"No, Loki!” Thor stood now, stepping closer, just as loud and towering over him. He had struck a nerve.

“You didn’t think I thought of that? She never would have agreed. Everything she did… You know she still wouldn't leave him, I don’t even think she wanted to! I couldn't have saved her from that no matter what I did."

"You could've saved me!"

Suddenly, it was quiet again. The dull sound of the storm outside filled the room. Thor's eyes widened and Loki instinctively braced for a punch that was never thrown. Instead Thor only opened his mouth then shut it. He sat down at the other end of the couch, head hung in his hands.

"You could have saved me” Loki almost whispered. “You could have, but you left."

It hurt too much, this was all too much. _Just keep rubbing it in, why don't you?_

He needed to leave. He raced past Thor, side-stepping his confused dog who already liked him and had no idea what was happening. _I never should have come here._

He almost got away.

"I’m sorry.” Thor’s voice cracked. It sounded more like a sob than words and god, did it hurt to make him cry like that. He wiped his face and continued like the stubborn, responsible man he was.

“You were... so young. You needed to finish high school to even have a- a chance, and I had no money to care for myself, let alone you…”

_You really fucked this up._

He turned back and faced Thor, sinking to his side and putting a hand on his shoulder.

“I know,” He took a breath then continued gently, conceding. “I...shouldn't have said that. You couldn't have done anything.” At last Thor looked at him again.

“He would've come after us. Would have me arrested for kidnapping. He said he would." Loki almost laughed at that. The nerve. He attempted to lighten the mood, maybe if he said the words right it wouldn't hurt.

"I'm not even his,” He gave a weak smile to his not-brother. “That's why I left, you know. I found out I was adopted."

That didn't seem to help. Thor only sighed heavily again and looked back down.

"I know." _Wait._

"What do you mean you know?" He withdrew his hand as if it had been burned. Thor again avoided his gaze.

"I knew the whole time. Since they brought you home." Loki blanched.

"And you never thought to tell me? You kept that from me the whole time?” Now he was straining not to shout.

Of course he knew. He always knew he was better. Meanwhile Loki was some stray they had picked up out of pity.

“All that time you- you called me your brother, but I was just some bastard living in your house..." _Stupid. Pathetic._

"Stop! This is why I never told you! Dad was already so hard on you, you already had a difficult time fitting in at school, how could I tell you that? How could I make it worse?” It was too late, Loki was already withdrawing, getting stuck in his own head, repeating _stupid, stupid, stupid._

“It doesn't matter to me, I don't care if we're blood or not, you were always my brother.” Thor reached out for him and put a hand at the nape of his neck, drawing him back out of his mind.

“Loki,” he said softly. “You still are. That will never change.” Thor said softly while pushing Loki’s hair out of his face, calming him down like he used to do when Loki was younger.

He stilled, taking a deep breath. He missed him so much. _It's still him._

“You still lied.” He protested lamely, no venom in his voice.

“You know how you would've reacted, you would've left and-"

"And I'd be exactly where I am now."

Thor nodded slowly. They sat like that for a while, not saying anything, just being together, listening to the other breathe over the rain outside.

“You really have changed.” he mumbled, leaning against his not-really-related-but-still-family-brother.

“Yeah?” Loki cocked his head to the side, mouth turned up in a smile.

“Yeah,” Thor grinned down at him. “You need a haircut.”

“Look who's talking.” He shot back. They chuckled a bit at that. They were still brothers. _I guess old habits never die._

"Why now? Why come find me after all this time?" Thor looked taken aback, an apologetic look returning to his face.

"I wanted to be there for your graduation. I had the date marked down and everything, ‘was so proud. But I thought about how much you'd hate to see me, how much it would hurt you and I just..."

_He remembered._

All that time passed and Thor had still remembered when he would graduate.

"I kept thinking about it, though. A few months later, I came back to the house to finally get you away from them, to finally get you back, and then some stranger opened the door. After that, you- I couldn't find you. You were just.. gone."

_He came back for me._

Now it was his turn to cry. At first it was just a few tears, but it slowly transformed into frantic bawling. He had cried enough for a whole lifetime just within the past few hours, it was incredible his tear ducts hadn't run dry. Thor just pulled him closer, wrapping his arms around him, saying variations of ‘ _It's alright_ ’ and ‘ _I'm here_ ’ and ‘ _I've got you_ ’ until the tears subsided and Loki could manage to speak again.

"I went looking for you." He sniffled, wiping at his face with his sleeve trying to pull himself together.

“When I left, I mean. I tried to find you. I remembered you talking about living in the city. I didn't know if you were even still in the state, but I didn’t want to think you’d go that far.”

“Loki, how long have you been trying to find me?"

"I left right before they moved,” He recalled bitterly. “I scoured the city for a few weeks, I don’t remember how long. Then I gave up looking. I ran out of money, didn’t have anywhere left, so I tried to go back. Maybe that was a last ' _fuck you_ ' from dad, but when I tried to come back home they were gone. I think it’s been around a year."

"Jesus, Loki... where are you staying?" He grimaced. He was hoping to avoid that question.

"Here and there. I’m staying with someone right now. A girl I work with invites me to stay with her now and then, but she has her own things to worry about. I don't want to trouble her." He aimed for casual. _The best lies are grounded in truth._

"You work with someone? Another..?" Thor trailed off not wanting to offend his brother by using a wrong or insulting term.

"No, not another escort. Security or something like that, I think." Truth be told, he didn’t know exactly what Val did. He just knew that she cleaned up bloody messes and always carried a gun.

"Even with security or whatever she is, that's dangerous. The... escorting. It isn't safe, there isn't anything to protect you from-"

"I know, I know. Calm down. I have my own ways of protecting myself. It's just part of the job. That's not your problem." He rolled his eyes.

Though if Loki were completely honest, he'd tell Thor he was fucking terrified. Nearly every encounter was a risk and he was using his own life as a gambling chip. Or, he had been. What he would do now, after running, was a different story. He shook his head and stopped himself from falling down that rabbit hole.

"Why does it have to be that job, though? You shouldn't have to put yourself in danger for-"

"Oh please, I've been in danger my whole life. You know what dad was like, I've dealt with that, I can deal with the people who hire me." He slipped. Equating clients to an abusive father wouldn't help Thor’s anxieties on the matter.

_Don't tell him. Stop talking. It'll only get him hurt. He can't find out, no one can._

"Can't you... uhm.. it's a thing, right, where you're only with one person… and it's all legal and there's like, I don't know, a contract or something? It's not perfect, but wouldn't that be safe-" But he was really only with one person and it wasn’t safe at all.

"Listen, this isn't Pretty Woman. That kind of thing just doesn’t happen. I can't wait for my prince charming to come save me.” he sighed and took a long drink.

"Well, why can't I be your prince?” Loki pulled a face. “You know what I mean. You’re here now, why can't we make that a permanent thing?” Thor was already planning, Loki could see it in his eyes.

“You can stay here, with me, while we try to find you another job and then we can move someplace bigger where both of us can have a bed and-"

"Thor. I appreciate this, I do, but I told you, you can't afford me. It looks like you're doing well for yourself, but I’m not going to burden you with another mouth to feed.” He cut off his brother’s scheming dismissively. He should’ve known Thor would only try harder to help a lost cause.

“You can't provide for me as well as yourself. It would take too long for me to find a job, you know that, you've lived that. I have no job experience other than this. Who would want to hire that?"

"I would." Loki paused his tirading.

"You what?"

"I have a little carpentry business going- well, Clint and I, the roommate. You could work with us!” Loki looked dumbfounded, not knowing what to say to this sudden proposition other than it had to be some variant of ‘ _no_ ’.

“You wouldn't have to do any of the heavy stuff at first, you could just help with filing the paperwork and managing the funding. You're good with that, you always have been. I don't understand numbers, Clint definitely doesn't, Nat’s always busy, and the other guys can do it but they hate it..."

Thor continued rambling and Loki went to work on finding a reason he couldn't accept the offer. He came up short. It's a job offer on a silver platter, a way out right within his grasp, but how could he explain why he couldn't take it?

He couldn't tell the truth about this, Thor would just run head-first into the whole mess and get himself killed.

"I..."

"Loki, please. You wouldn't owe me anything for it. You could pay your own for food once things get going. Just… please."

There's that look again. _Dammit._

“I'll think about it,” The look turned into one of stubborn, disappointed frustration. “Okay, listen, I can't give you an answer right now, there are things that must be put in order first.” _Stalling. Yes. Stalling is good._

“At least stay the night.” His eyes flicked down to the pull-out couch. One night couldn't hurt.

“Thor, I don't-”

“Loki,” He felt the comforting weight of Thor’s hand on his shoulder again.

“I'm here now and I'm going to help because I want to. That’s all there is to it.”

“Thank you.” There was more he wanted to say, some greater depths of gratitude that he couldn't articulate. At a loss, he decided actions spoke louder and, for the first time in 5 years, he hugged his brother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay, more angst and exposition. Hopefully this shows a bit more of Loki and Thor's dynamic as well as their history. You can expect more stories from their childhood, that's for sure. As for the next chapter, that's where I plan on really getting into Loki's relationship with Grandmaster. This is where things get a little dark, so proceed with caution. And again, thanks for reading.


	3. The Drums of The City Rain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from Brother by Gerard Way
> 
> ... again.

After another argument, this time involving Thor’s ridiculous notions of sleeping on the couch and giving Loki his bed, things had finally settled down. Thor had buried Loki in a mound of blankets gathered from every corner of the apartment, insisting that Loki needed every single one of them. He accepted each with reluctance and growing fondness. 

After telling Thor that he would, in fact, be fine for the seventh or eighth time (he had lost count), Thor left him to sleep for the night. Once his bedroom door closed, Loki plugged in his phone and let it charge. When it turned on, he squinted in the dark at the too-bright screen. 

**12 new messages.**

_Shit._

He scrolled through the messages, all from the same person, and typed out a short reply.

**Staying out tonight. Don't wait up.**

In seconds a new message appeared. 

**Address**

This was not a question, Loki knew. Nothing was ever a question with him, always commands. In some ways it made him feel safe to know someone kept track of him, but he also knew that safety came with its own dangers. Case in point, his handler. Loki knew him only as The Grand Master, his self-proclaimed savior. For a long while, he believed that. In the last couple of months, however, he began to see him for the tyrant he was. The Grand Master could be fun to be around, even sweet at times, but behind all of his smoke and mirrors was a barbaric, twisted taste for the sadistic. He played with people like they were game pieces, manipulating their lives for his own entertainment. 

When Loki had left home, he had no idea what he was doing. Even after years of dreaming about his escape, those theories were very different from reality. He went to the city to find Thor and a job, but quickly realized that hiring a homeless teenager was not exactly anyone’s priority. He was left with little insurance. When days and then weeks went by with no real food and nowhere to live, he got desperate. 

He was a smart kid, he knew what the beautiful, flashily-dressed people did on the street at night. What he didn't know was how to become one of them. In his starved and delirious naivety, he stood among them and tried to blend in. It didn't last long before Val appeared, pulling him aside and away from the girls and other prying eyes. In a tone that was demanding yet somehow sympathetic she asked him what exactly he thought he was trying to do. 

She was a tough looking woman, strong and beautiful. He gathered that she had been watching the girls, some sort of security for them. He also noted that she carried a gun, though she made no move to reach for it. With little in the way of options, Loki decided that he could trust her. 

After he briefly explained his situation, she had taken him by the arm and deeper into an alley. She told him she could get him something to eat, but that they would ‘ _have to be quick_ ’. He was too hungry and exhausted to care about what that implied. Before they could get further, a man appeared from seemingly nowhere and she fell silent. He was devilishly attractive, the perfect fit for the term silver fox; greying hair and a smile that could only be described as sharp and beguiling. He introduced himself as ‘ _The_ _Grand Master_ ’ and drew Loki in like a moth to flame.

The man took him to a penthouse, alive and full of people who were dancing and carrying on like the world was going to end the next day, dressed in everything from evening gowns to nothing at all. It was the biggest party Loki had ever seen, let alone been to. He wasn't terribly popular among his high school cohorts, but he had seen plenty of insane parties in movies and this topped them all. It was more like what he'd expect at a rave, though he didn't have anything to compare it to. There were bubbly drinks and people everywhere and the whole room seemed to be covered in either glitter, sequins, or both. Everything shined. Blacklights were accompanied by sporadic bursts of rainbow that made the room look like it was undulating along with its inhabitants. It turned the people into shadows that brushed past him easily as if he weren't even there. He wasn't entirely sure that he was; it looked like a dream. 

It was a wild, extravagant existence; a raging rapid that he had been thrown into head-first without knowing how to swim. He instantly became infatuated with that life, wanting nothing more than to understand it, be a part of it. Yet he froze, unsure of himself. His feet felt like they were glued to where he stood, frozen in the midst of chaos. Then a gentle hand found the small of his back and he was eased into an alien world by the Grand Master. 

“Just fake it til’ ya make it, sweetheart.” He said with a wink. His voice was soft and encouraging, like an outstretched hand waiting to be taken. The Grand Master was inviting him in. 

It was obvious now why he was called that; this was his world, his party, his dream, and he was its king, its vital centerpiece. He owned it all and if Loki stayed by his side, that was as good as giving him a seat on the throne. So Loki did what he did best- blend. He was stuffed with food and practically drowned in expensive champagne, chatted with and unashamedly hit on, all while the man sat back and watched, stalking his prey. 

The night was spent drinking, dancing, and singing, becoming best friends with people he didn't know and wouldn't remember. It was a blur of thumping bass, bright lights, and laughter. He had never felt more alive. So, when the time came to make a deal with the devil, he foolishly accepted. 

“Do you wanna be a part of… all this?” somewhere in the blur, he had been taken into an empty bedroom by the hand. 

“You wanna live like this? Y’know, it isn't free.” his head was spinning from the alcohol and from a little bit of something else, it was hard to focus on what was said. 

“What do I have to do?” Loki slurred through a sentence, tripping over his words then giggling at the absurdity of it all. 

“What the others do.” The Grand Master gently tucked a strand of hair behind Loki’s ear, almost lovingly. “Just that.” 

The man was draped over him, trapping him between two arms. His eyes were intense, predatory. It made Loki squirm but at the same time he found himself leaning into his touch, reveling in the attention. 

“Oh, and uh, you'll be mine, so you can never leave me.” He tacked it on as an afterthought, like it was unimportant, barely there. The way he said it sounded playful, like a joke, but there was an underlying weight that sat just below the surface. 

That should've been a red flag, but in his drunken haze and after being abandoned and neglected for so long, it sounded desirable. Food to eat, people to be with, a place to live, somewhere to belong; that's all Loki wanted. Maybe this could be it.

“And why would I want to do that?” He leaned forward, close enough to feel the other man’s breath. There was an obvious challenge in what he said, too bold for his own good.

“You won't.” The distance was closed and the deal was made. 

That was all Loki could remember of that night. The rest of it was intense pleasure, skin, and teeth. The next day he woke up in a bed in the arms of a man who owned him.

Just like that, he had become the Grand Master’s favorite pet. He was constantly kept under a watchful eye, only brought out on the most celebrated occasions. He was shown off like a trophy wife and shared like candy. Everyone loved him; loved to touch and talk and dance and fuck, but above all else, he was the Grand Master’s. He could go off and play with friends, show people a good time every now and then, but when it was time to come home, he came home to the same man. Call it whatever you want, Stockholm Syndrome, low self-esteem, inexperience, residual daddy issues or sick curiosity, it doesn't matter. Whatever it was, it definitely wasn't love. Unfortunately, that's exactly what Loki mistook it for. 

He thought it was love that made his master so controlling, so harsh, so isolating. He thought it was love that made himself so eager to please, so terrified to disappoint. It was to keep him safe, to protect him, it was love. After all, his master was in charge. This was all gifted to him by a benevolent savior. All Loki had to do was be a good little pet, an obedient dog on a leash. The more he learned about this new world, the shorter that leash got. 

It started with the drugs. Marijuana, he was already familiar with, so that took little coaxing. Then ecstasy; a party drug, that made sense, they were always at parties. Then cocaine; sure, that's what rich people and movie stars do when they get bored. Then pills; it's medicine, how bad could it truly be? By the time he got to heroin, he had run out of excuses. All of it was bad but he couldn't see the forest for the trees. It was just a little fun, a way to let off some steam, a way to bond with people. He spent the majority of his time high with a drink in hand, but when he started waking up in the middle of the night craving something, anything to take the edge off, he knew it wasn't right. He ignored yet another red flag.

Then, there was the violence. Loki didn't mind being handled roughly, in fact he rather enjoyed it, but there were instances where things fell a bit too far outside the realm of playful and bordered on brutal. It had escalated slowly; like a frog in a pot, he hadn't realized things had begun to boil over. Light taps turned into open-handed slaps turned into fists and so on. It wasn't unusual to be left covered with deep bruising or dried blood. 

Things of the sort weren't entirely bedroom-exclusive either. The first time he said ‘no’, defiantly with offense and disgust, head high and arms crossed like he was somehow above the scenario presented to him, he got a hard and unexpected slap across the face. It became explicitly clear then; he was not allowed to say no. He never said it again. He simply grit his teeth and endured. 

At one point he thought maybe if he cried the man would have enough sympathy to stop, would realize how much Loki was suffering. He let his tears fall. The Grand Master only smiled. 

Loki got worried. He found that, looking back in his memory, he was missing time. Hours, even days were unaccounted for and hazed over. There was a wall in the farthest corner of his mind holding back things he couldn't remember, small shifts in his personality he couldn't explain. There was a crack in that wall and it was growing. It broke all at once. 

It was at another party, he had lost count of how many there had been. They all bled into one sparkling neon mess anyway. There was nothing particularly special about it, nothing out of the ordinary. That was until Grand Master's cousin dropped by. His name was Carlo; a mousy looking bald man who seemed generally unintimidating. He walked into the party looking like he got caught with his hand in the cookie jar. 

Loki had been sitting in Grand Master's lap on a luxurious, green sofa, the one he said reminded him of Loki's eyes. They were chatting idly, flirting back and forth, chuckling at something someone had said that didn't matter. Loki had barely noticed Carlo until he stopped dead in front of them and started talking. Actually, it was more like rambling.

“Uh, cuz, can this wait? I'm a little… preoccupied.” he emphasized his point by sweeping his hand up Loki's thigh. Loki had smiled at that. 

If the man had just left then, maybe he would've been okay. He shook his head. 

“It's important…” he objected, staring at his feet. He was afraid. Loki didn't know why. 

He then went on to explain that he had lost a considerable amount of the Master's money gambling. It apparently wasn't the first time this had happened. Curious, Loki stayed put and listened against his better judgement. 

“Carlo, I'm afraid we can't let this happen again…” Grand Master sighed, scolding his cousin the way one would a small child. 

“I know, I know, I'm so sorry. I- It won't happen again, you have my word.” Looking closer, Loki could see the man was shaking. 

“Well, you're right about that.” Master replied calmly, almost in a bored tone of voice. 

He shifted and pulled something shiny from inside his suit jacket. It didn't register in Loki's mind right away. He lifted his arm and at the last second Loki saw what it was. It was a gun. The Grand Master aimed for Carlo's head and pulled the trigger. 

The illusion shattered. Loki was frozen in shock, his ears ringing and teeth vibrating in his skull. Everything happened so fast. The gun was shot and Carlo crumpled to the floor, his blood puddling around him on the white tiles. 

“Sorry about the mess.”

The body was quickly disposed of while staff made work of cleaning away the red stains with chemicals that burned the smell of sterilized death into Loki's nose. Now he was the one shaking. 

Nobody else seemed to notice. The party continued uninterrupted. People carried on laughing and dancing in the wake of an execution. Everyone was smiling, why was everyone still smiling? How was he the only one in the room who was in the midst of a panic attack? How could they all ignore this?

It made sense to him then. This wasn't the first time something like this had happened. These people had seen this before and were unfazed by it. No, these were not people. They were mannequins; soulless, moving statues existing only to cater to abhorrent desires. They were lustful, gluttonous cowards; pawns used in The Grand Master's game. Everyone was property to be owned. 

This was the life Loki unknowingly signed onto, hidden in the fine print. He knew nothing about the man beneath him- not his job, his age, or even his real name, and in turn the same man knew every inch of his body and soul. He was greatly, terribly outmatched and if he stepped out of line he knew his fate would meet a similar end to the one he had just witnessed. He felt sick. 

Looking down, he noticed there was blood pooling around the legs of the couch. It disappeared that night, no doubt to be replaced by an identical one. That’s when Loki left, tearing out of the building in a panic, only to come face to face with someone he never thought he’d see again. 

Now he was sitting on a couch belonging to his estranged brother, being asked for his location by a murderer. He couldn't simply ignore the message or pretend he had fallen asleep. Grand Master knew Loki too well to believe that. Instead, Loki sent him Val’s address, immediately followed by a text to her asking to cover for him. It would be best to keep his reconnected family a secret and he knew Val could keep her mouth shut, she had a bit of a soft spot for him after all. Master didn't need to know Thor was back. 

Loki hoped he had made the right call. Lying to his handler made a knot form in the pit of his stomach, but nothing good could come of him explaining what happened and Thor definitely didn't need to be involved. What would he think of his little brother now, turned into a docile prize for some psychotic madman? He was worth only what the man would pay, his body was no longer his own. How hard he had fallen. 

Thor had been in a worse situation, kicked out of their home with no warning, but somehow was unscathed. What wrong moves had he made? Should he have stayed at home? Where could he have turned instead? If he had made the right choices, what would his life have looked like? 

Loki let his mind drift, staring out the window with an unfocused gaze. The reflection looking back was someone he didn't recognize, frail and thin with sunken eyes. He felt like smashing it to pieces so he wouldn't have to see anymore, but at the same time he couldn't look away. The rain was too loud, echoing through the apartment. It pounded in his head even louder, unrelenting. He wished for something, anything to make it stop.

What the hell was he going to do? He couldn’t just keep running, he couldn’t stay with Thor. Nothing had changed since he met Grand Master, he still had no money, no place to live, he wouldn’t get far. How else would he get his fix, he couldn’t even afford a meal. 

He glared at the bottle of Smirnoff sitting antagonistically close on the coffee table. The rain started to sound eerily like applause. Without a second thought, he grabbed it and brought it to his lips, effectively downing what was left. He held the bottle to his chest, cradling it like an infant. The pounding in his skull slowly subsided. 

He couldn’t leave. At least if he stayed with his master, he could see Thor again. Maybe eventually he’d make enough money working with Thor to get the hell out of dodge. He could go to a rehab center, get clean. Right now, though, he would just have to wait it out. Tomorrow, he’d go back to his master as if nothing had ever happened. _Fuck._

He heard Thor before he saw him, steps offbeat from the rain, trying to tiptoe into the room unnoticed. 

“I thought you went to bed.” his voice shook more than he'd expected it to and realized he had been crying again. 

“I was going to get a glass of water.” He was lying. Must have heard him. 

“You can't sleep?” at that, Loki gave a hopeless shrug. No, he couldn't sleep, not anymore. At least not without being so high or drunk or fucked-out he couldn't keep his eyes open. The alcohol helped, but he was still far too close to sober. 

“I'll stay with you.” Before Loki could object, he sat on the opposite side of the couch, wrapping himself in a blanket. Loki sighed, feigning annoyance. 

“I'm not a child, you know.” Funny, saying that, he certainly sounded like one. 

“I know. I'm just still getting used to it.” He _was_ a child the last time Thor saw him. Vital years had been missed to never be regained, brushed away by time. To him, it probably felt like Loki had aged years in a day. So much time lost. He shivered.

“You're cold.” Thor noticed. He took the empty bottle from his brother's shaking hands and returned it to the coffee table. 

“I am not.” He protested weakly. 

“Just come'ere, don't fuss about it.” Thor gestured for Loki to come closer. He rolled his eyes and shuffled over, lying parallel to him. Thor smiled and threw a blanket around his shoulders. 

Together, they looked out the window and listened to the rain. It drummed on, as steady as a heartbeat. Eventually, he lost himself in warmth and the white noise of rainfall and gave in to the weight of himself. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The longest chapter yet, and the one I've been most excited about posting.  
> This is just a minor detail, but I decided on Grand Master rather than Grandmaster. With the world being bereft of superheroes and him being more of a mob boss type instead of a literal god, it felt more appropriate. 
> 
> This is where I'll leave it for now. I have more to upload but I think I'll sit on it a bit longer. I don't know what kind of schedule this will be on (if any), so I guess we'll see. Again, thanks for reading.


	4. Eyes Fixed on the Sun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here, have some more fluff and brotherly love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from Shake Me Down by Cage the Elephant.

Loki woke up to pale yellow sunlight streaming from the window into his eyes and a snoring lump of Thor latched onto his side. He had expected his brother to be as dense as a rock, that being more muscular would somehow make him too stiff and uncomfortable. To his surprise, Thor was essentially a giant pillow, all soft and toasty like a living furnace. Unfortunately, he also found his brother to be heavy and immovable.

He sighed and gave up on leaving the couch, content to laze around the uneventful serenity of early morning. That lasted all of about five minutes until a grumbling stranger entered the room.

Thor's roommate was stocky, on the shorter side (though in comparison to Loki, most were), already dressed and noticeably covered in small adhesive bandages. The kind made for children, with cartoon characters on them.

Loki watched him out of the corner of his eye, hoping unrealistically that maybe the man wouldn't notice him if he stayed still. Whoever-he-was scratched his ass and headed for the kitchen, fumbling through the cabinets unaware of Loki until he turned toward the sink, at which point he started grumbling under his breath. 

"Ugh man, not the couch. How am I supposed to sit on that thing knowing you defiled some twink on it?" From that distance Loki could only make out one word-  _ twink.  _ Not exactly flattered by the remark, he faced the man directly and glared.  _ No point in pretending to be asleep now. _

“Excuse me?” his voice was caught somewhere between sarcastic and insulted. If he weren't trapped by a sleeping mammoth, he might've looked intimidating. The man held up a hand while he fiddled with some sort of device in his ear- a hearing aid, Loki realized. 

"Morning sunshine. Do me a favor and wake up your beef cake, I got words for him." The man glared right back and crossed his arms over his chest.

Loki huffed testily and smacked Thor in an attempt to wake him. It worked. 

“Huh?” He answered groggily, indents on his face from where skin had been smashed up against the pillows. His hair was sticking up in odd places and falling into his eyes. 

"Dude, we have rules for a reason. This is a public area, I might have walked in and had to flush my eyes with bleach. Take it to the bedroom next time, alright?" At once Loki froze, hit with the realization of what was being implied. 

His hair was a mess and he was dressed in clothes obviously borrowed from Thor that were much too big for him. He definitely looked like a one night stand.

“We are  _ not- _ ” he shouted, infuriated and embarrassed. Thor intervened before he got too red in the face.

“You misunderstand.” He shot his brother a look that could only mean ‘ _ play nice _ ’. Loki grimaced in reply. 

“This is Loki! I ran into him last night and he insisted upon the couch instead of my bed,” Thor clasped his arms around him, presenting Loki like a hard-earned prize. “I stayed to comfort him." He watched as the man's expression changed from tired annoyance to something slightly more welcoming. 

"No shit. So you're the little bro he's been talking about? So sweet, what a nice, cuddly family." He smiled. Loki couldn't tell if he was being condescending or not. 

His mind began to race, imagining a number of ways Thor could’ve brought up his brother to his roommate- all of them far too personal. 

“We aren't usually so affectionate.” He muttered, trying and failing to extract himself from Thor’s embrace. Loki hoped beyond hope that Thor gave the man little to no detail on their history. It wasn’t something he liked to share, especially with complete strangers. Loki would prefer to keep his trauma to himself, thank you. 

"Oh? Well, it's been a while I guess. Thor's big on hugs. Might as well get used to that." He shrugged and continued his search in the kitchen. 

"This is Clint, he lives here." Thor explained rather unnecessarily, impervious to the unimpressed stare Loki responded with. 

“As I've gathered,” He rolled his eyes. "So, you're the roommate with questionable breakfast choices?" Loki called over to the man-  _ Clint _ . 

"Hey, you told him that already? Pick another fun fact, man. I'm not just the cereal guy." He gestured in Thor’s direction with a full cup of coffee that somehow didn't spill. This did not bode well for whatever Thor had told him. It seemed that he had a habit of revealing information that was best kept under wraps. 

"Well, it is a pretty character defining trait." Thor stood and stretched his arms above his head, following Clint's lead and heading for the coffee. 

Loki was stricken with worry. If Thor had told Clint about everything else, would he tell him about his current situation? Then he remembered that instead of informing his brother that his roommate was hard of hearing he told Loki about his breakfast habits.    
  
"Ah, you're just jealous 'cause I'm a culinary genius,” he jabbed a finger in Thor's ribs then turned back to Loki to explain himself, leaning over the counter casually like a salesman trying to sell a product. “It adds this whole other level to Lucky Charms. I'm tellin' you, it's like marshmallow squared.” Thor pushed Clint out of the way and mumbled his disbelief. 

“Try it before you judge me, blondie." He put his hands on his hips and rolled his eyes, resuming his search through the cabinets. 

“I’m afraid you'll have to wait on that. I finished off the bottle last night.” Loki quietly padded into the kitchen on bare feet, pausing a moment to pat Nori gently on the head.    
  


“Yeesh, rough night? I've been there.” Something about the way Clint said that made Loki imagine that he had a habit of getting himself into rough night situations, maybe a bit too often. 

“Not so much rough as more... emotionally exhausting.” He amended, glancing in Thor’s direction. Not quite the right phrasing, but close enough.  _ How do you explain something like this to an outsider without losing all of their respect? Easy, you don't. _

Clint only nodded at that, a somewhat solemn look on his face which Loki pretended not to see. Thor handed him a piping hot cup of something. 

_Coffee?_ No, it didn’t smell like coffee. Loki eyed the liquid like it held the secrets of the universe before blowing off some steam and taking a skeptical sip. It was tea. More specifically, Earl Grey tea with a splash of milk and a ridiculous amount of sugar; just the way he liked it. 

“You…” he didn't know what to say. Thor remembered. It was so strange to fall back into old routines as if no time had passed. A picture flickered in his mind of Thor making him tea when he was too small to handle the hot water himself.    
  


“Huh?” Clint finally broke the silence, probably confused out of his mind why his roommate's sparkly brother was getting lost in a cup of hot leaf juice. 

“You remembered how I take my tea.” Loki met Thor's eyes. He seemed as confused as Clint, like it was just normal to remember such miniscule details. 

“...Yeah? It's no problem.” Thor shrugged off Loki's bewilderment. It would probably seem unimportant to everyone but him. 

_ Getting choked up over tea, how ridiculous.  _ He cursed himself inwardly. 

“Fuck _ …”  _ Clint sniffled theatrically, hugging a hand to his chest like he was watching the most dramatic soap opera ever conceived. 

“It’s so sweet, I'm gonna cry.” He threw himself into Thor’s arms, annoyingly making kissy faces and smacking his lips.

“And you called me a twink.” Loki said under his breath before taking another sip. 

“Hey, don’t be a dick _. _ If I were gay, I'd obviously be a twunk. Learn your stereotypes.” he snapped, scandalized as a housewife clutching her pearls.

“How did you even hear that?” Loki sounded more curious than exasperated.

“I read lips, asshole.”  _ Fair enough _ .

“You called me a twink first.” Loki reminded him, raising an eyebrow in silent challenge. Clint deflated.

“Okay, to be fair, everyone looks a little twink-ish next to Thor, but I'm getting serious… vibes from you,” he squinted at Loki like he was a difficult puzzle he hadn't put together yet. “Am I right? I'm trying to perfect my gaydar.” 

Loki glared. “I'm so right, aren't I?” Clint pushed further. 

“Would a straight man wear this much glitter?” He deadpanned. It wasn't the worst thing he'd ever been asked. 

“Hey, Clint doesn't mean to be such an ass,” Thor shoved Clint with his elbow and sent a pointed look in his direction. “he was just surprised when I came out to him, he feels like he should've seen it.” 

Poor Loki was taking another sip of his tea when Thor said that. He sputtered and coughed, nearly spouting it out his nose. 

“Came out? As what? _ ” _ He managed to gasp in between hiccuping breaths, trying to force air into his lungs. 

“A little gay.” Clint supplied helpfully but actually not helpful at all. 

“Define a little.” 

“You know. Some men are just… nice.” Thor shrugged nonchalantly.

“I can't fucking believe it.” Loki rested his forehead in his hands, trying to wrap his mind around this new information. Thor looked incredibly nervous then, as if Loki would take issue with his brother's preferences.

“No- no it's okay! I'm just… shocked, that's all.” He rushed to clarify. This didn't seem to calm Thor any. Loki sighed. 

“It’s just… You were always ‘ _ Mr. Macho Hetero Man _ ’...” he faltered slightly, trying to articulate this as best as he could. “and I... wasn't.” he gave up on the explanation and faced his brother. 

“Just thank you. For telling me, I mean.” He smiled uneasily, anxious to get the very personal conversation over with, though the revelation left him feeling marginally less alone. 

_ You still are alone though. He can't help you.  _

He ignored the familiar nagging voice in his head just in time to find himself enveloped in Thor's giant arms. 

“Of course, Loki.” He had forgotten how truly good _ ,  _ how sincere Thor was. Now he was starting to forget why he was ever mad at him in the first place. He cleared his throat. 

“Yes, alright, enough of that,” Loki said, letting his arms fall limply as the hug lingered. Clint's mouth opened, he was undoubtedly about to make another mocking comment. Loki glared and lifted a bony finger in his direction. “I don’t want to hear it.” 

He broke away from the hug and wandered the kitchen in search of breakfast. One by one, the drawers and cabinets were opened then shut as Loki mulled over his options. He decided on Poptarts. Not very glamorous, but still technically food. Meanwhile Thor and Clint talked about what Loki could only assume was their business, arguing over one thing or another. With nothing better to do, Loki settled in to watch the drama. 

“Well, call Natasha then. She’ll know what to do.” Thor flopped onto the couch defeated, out of advice to give Clint. Niri trotted over to him to rest her head in his lap. He cooed baby names at her in a high-pitched tone as he scratched her ears. Loki had to fight the urge to break into a smile over the good nature. 

“Hell no, no way. She still needs time to cool off and I am not getting into it with her, especially not this early in the morning.” Clint groused, obviously not ready to let Thor off the hook. 

“Christ... Barton, what did you do to piss her off this time?” 

“I may or may not have insinuated that we didn’t need her expertise on this particular matter…” he scratched the back of his head, avoiding Thor’s gaze and practically trying to disappear into the chair he sat in. 

“Clint!”

“She was micromanaging me! I could’ve figured it out on my own!” He sounded like a fussy toddler. Loki was beginning to regret listening in on the conversation. It was going nowhere and drama is only fun for so long. 

“Obviously not, since you now need her assistance- whoever she is.” Loki chimed in at last. Thor and Clint shared a skeptical look, then focused back on him.

“Natasha’s our financial advisor.” 

“-And friend.” Thor added. 

“-And also a scary, red-headed murderess.” Clint winced. Loki rolled his eyes. 

“Not to pry, but shouldn’t you- oh I don’t know- listen to the person with ‘advisor’ in their title? You hire someone for a job, let them do it.”

“I’ve gotten myself in too deep now to backtrack. Unfortunately she’s stubborn.”

“And you aren’t?” Thor scoffed. 

“Well what do you want me to do? I can’t just apologize!” Clint rose from his seat and ran a hand through his hair, beginning to pace the room. 

“That's precisely what you should do.” That stopped him dead in his tracks. 

“Excuse me?” It would appear he had to spell it out for him. 

“You made the mess, you clean it up. Charm her, really suck up. Tell her that you were wrong and she was right, that’ll get you back in her good graces in no time.” He spoke slowly as one would while explaining something to a small child. 

“But I wasn’t wrong, I was just-”

“Can you do this without her?” He cut Clint off, uninterested in his excuse. A beat of silence passed as he waited for a retort. Loki readied himself for what he figured would be a long and aggravating argument. 

“... No.” Clint admitted.  _ That was fast _ . Loki decided to leave it at that and get out while he could. 

“Then you were wrong. Anyways, now that I’ve imparted my wisdom on you, I’ll be going.” He stood up and began gathering his few belongings.  _ Phone, charger, what else? _ He mentally ticked things off the list. 

“Wait, what? You just got here! Where would you even go?” Thor trailed behind him on his search through the apartment, Niri followed behind Thor. They made for a very silly looking parade. 

“Work.”  _ Clothes! That’s it. _ He headed in the direction he assumed would lead him to the washer and dryer. 

“At nine in the morning?” Thor sounded unconvinced. 

“I’ll get a head start.” Loki found his clothes, disappointed to see that they were ruined, shrunk in the dryer. He couldn’t bring himself to be angry about it, Thor was just trying to be hospitable. 

“No, hey. At least stay for today. We’ll call over Natasha and you can watch her yell at Clint, I know you’d wanna see that.” 

Loki sighed. As annoying as it was, Thor was right. He couldn’t go just yet. He would have to eventually, of course, but he could waste some time until then. 

“Fine.” 

  
  
  
  
  
  


Natasha showed up about an hour after Thor called her. They were all in the living room, he was watching Thor and Clint play something obnoxious on the Xbox, when the doorbell rang. The two of them immediately froze, neither one wanting to answer it. After a beat, Thor pushed Clint off the couch and onto the floor. 

“Alright, I’ll get it.” Clint headed for the door at a snail’s pace. Sensing this, Natasha knocked a second time, making him jump. Trying to calm his nerves, he took a deep breath and opened the door. 

“You are strikingly beautiful, you know that?” Though he was most definitely kissing ass, he wasn’t wrong. Natasha was gorgeous; stone-faced with flaming red hair and an authoritative air about her. She could be a model or a dominatrix, Loki couldn’t decide which suited her better. 

“I prefer striking fear into the hearts of men, but you already look afraid so I’ll take the compliment,” She breezed past him like she owned the place, heels clicking against the floor. Other than that, she completely ignored Clint, side-stepping him to reach where Thor was sitting on the couch to give Niri a generous pat. “Hi, sweetie. Hi, Thor. ” 

“Ooh, I like her already.” Loki genuinely smiled, appreciative of the graceful, if not passive aggressive, way she was handling the situation. How she ended up stuck with these two idiots was beyond him. She was all class and business, meanwhile Thor was an oversized golden retriever and Clint was… well, Clint. 

“You must be Loki,” She gave Loki a warm smile that surprisingly didn’t look forced. “I’m Natasha, I work with these bozos even though somebody won’t let me do my job.” She maintained her sunny disposition even through her pointed comment. 

“Tasha, come on,” Clint huffed, making his way over to the rest of the group. “You know I’m sorry. Can’t we just-” 

“Why then?” Loki leaned forward, capturing Natasha’s attention before Clint had the chance. 

“Why what?” She cocked an eyebrow. 

“I mean, why work for these bozos?” He gestured to the both of them. 

“Oh, isn’t it obvious? They’d completely fall apart without me.” Clint opened his mouth, most likely about to dig himself even further into a hole, but Thor cut him off just in time. 

“Clint and Nat grew up together. Despite how it looks, they’re best friends.” 

“Yes, unfortunately. I wasn’t going to let bozo number one crash and burn on his own, as fun as it would be. I figured I could help out. That’s what friends are for. Saving your ass.” 

“Speaking of saving asses…” Thor mumbled. 

“Right. Have something to say, Barton?” All eyes in the room turned on him, waiting for Clint’s big apology. 

“Well…” Thor and Loki glared at his stalling, Natasha only waited in silent expectation, poker face giving away nothing. 

“I’m sorry,” Clint began. Behind Natasha’s back, Thor signaled for him to keep going. “I was wrong and you were right and I’m a fucking moron who doesn’t know shit about finance. Please, oh perfect goddess, save my stupid ass.” 

“Was that so hard?” Natasha smiled smugly.

With the air cleared, Natasha and Clint went off into their own little world discussing business and finances and whatnot, none of which made much sense to Loki whenever he overheard bits of their conversation. Thor, however, took the downtime to try and teach him how to play one of his video games. He wasn’t especially invested, but Loki still tried to appear as if he was paying attention to his brother’s explanation of the controls and the game’s concept. Really, all he could think about was how he was going to act once he went back to his master. 

There would definitely be some questions, how was he supposed to answer? Was he to act as if nothing happened, like he hadn’t run out on him? No, that wouldn’t do him any good. 

The universe, sensing his indecision, apparently thought he was taking too long to come up with a game plan. Loki’s phone buzzed in his pocket and an unsettling weight dropped into his stomach. 

**Come home**

_ Shitshitshitshit- _ He felt mounting hysteria bubble up in his chest, mouth going dry and heart racing. He had to leave and he had to leave right now. It was never a good idea to make the Grand Master wait. Still, what the hell was he going to say? At least he had a bit of time to figure that out. Loki took a breath and tried to calm himself. 

His phone buzzed again- another message. 

**I have a present for you**

Breathing was not enough to help in this situation. A present? What did that mean? Was it literal, another bribe to keep his mouth shut, or would he be instantly greeted with a bullet to the head when he got back?

It didn’t matter. If he didn’t go, things would only be worse for him. So, he answered.

**On my way.**

Thor was still going on about the stupid game without a care in the world. It would be so nice if he didn’t have to worry about being murdered, like a normal person. Then again, maybe Thor should’ve been worried. If the Grand Master found out that they had reconnected, Thor wouldn’t be long for this world either. He was just blissfully unaware of that. Loki tried once again to not be envious of his brother and failed. 

“Thor...” he gently interrupted, the name barely squeaking out through his dry mouth. “I’ve got to go now.” Maybe it was the way he said it but Thor didn’t try to argue, he just stood up and politely started seeing his brother out. 

“Sure,” his face was racked with thinly veiled worry. “Do you need a ride?” Loki was dispirited. Part of him wanted Thor to fight him on this, to delay the inevitable for just a little longer. It was a sweet delusion while it lasted. 

“No, no that’s fine. Thank you.” He did his best to seem at ease, he didn’t want Thor to try to follow him. That’s precisely the kind of idiotic thing he would do. 

“Alright, well… here, take this,” Thor rummaged around in his pockets for a moment before spotting an old receipt left on the kitchen counter. He quickly scribbled down his phone number and address in nearly indecipherable handwriting that by some sheer stroke of luck Loki could actually read. “Stay in touch, okay?” 

Thor handed him the paper and looked at Loki like he expected him to disappear for another five years, a wistful smile on his face. It broke his heart a little.

“I will.” He said, and he meant it. Then he was on the other side of the door and on his own again. He found that he could only make it a few steps into the hall before sliding down the wall and into a huddled lump on the floor. 

The disappointment crashed over Loki in waves. He knew better than to give into that false sense of security, but it was so deceivingly inviting. Getting his hopes up never led to anything good, but he had gone and done it again. He shuddered out a rueful sigh, burying his head in his hands. Yet, while the bitter reality sunk in, a small flicker of determination had been lit inside him. 

The way he saw it, Loki had two options. He could either surrender himself to his master entirely- give up all sense of free will and control for however long Master decided to keep him around, or he could fight it- give in only enough so as to not draw suspicion and maybe, if the stars aligned properly, claw his way out. 

Sure, he didn’t have much, but before he had nothing. Now he had Thor and that one small change gave him just enough hope to try. It wasn’t a lot, but it was enough. Even if everything crashed and burned, he reasoned that would be better than giving up. 

Loki steeled himself and got back to his feet. As hopeless and unattainable as it all felt, he was ridiculously giddy at the idea. The karmic justice of fooling the Grand Master was too tempting to pass on and it had been a long time since he even thought about the possibility of a decent future for himself. He almost forgot how exciting that kind of hope could be, dangerous but invigorating. 

So, that was the plan- or the beginning of one. As Loki made his way down in the elevator and out the doors of the apartment complex, he felt a newfound sense of bravery taking root within him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter! Only one this time, I haven't finished the next couple yet. I'm going to aim for Monday as my update day though I doubt I'll remain consistent. Not much this go around, just a bit of fluff. Clint and Nat are going to be a fun addition. I'm not sure how much of them we're going to see, but they aren't just stopping by for the moment. I have sooo many more characters to introduce and work with, hopefully I'll be able to do them justice. There are a lot of tricks up my sleeve and if you think you know where I'm headed with this- no you don't. Again, thanks for reading.


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